Anonymous said: Re "you're all terrible," if you aren't happy with what you're doing, why not do something better with your life?
Re: “You’re all terrible”
You’re all terrible. As in, men. Not ‘sugar daddy’ type men. Regular ones.
Almost all of the men on these sites are married and most of them lie to their wives about i.e. they made a commitment and they’re shitty and dishonest and place the blame onto their wives via these profiles— “Trapped in a sexless marriage” and so on and so forth, to try and garner a level of sympathy, and demonize their purportedly prudish wives rather than own up to the fact that they’re cheaters.
However, it’s not the sex work, it’s the fact that these sites are filled with men, all sorts of men. Average, every day dudes. I know you read “sugar daddy” and your brain wheels start whirring and you end up 30 minutes later with your hands down your pants imagining some weird hybrid cross between Mr. Peanut and the dude from the Monopoly box, but here’s the thing though: most of the guys on these sites make average money and are completely unimaginative and regular. They’re everyone’s husbands.
The thought behind that post was that more likely than not, even I never did sex work and I was a good girl and married some high school sweetheart figure, that eventually he’d tire of the effort of a marriage due to such classics as, it being reinforced that he should find younger women attractive no matter what his age is, and dumb myths about men being uncontrollable sex creatures, so eventually he’d go on a site like SA, and make up some whiny profile, go out for a romp with a pretty young thing who has been assured that “his wife knows all about this and is totally fine with it”, and I’d be sitting at home like a chump thinking he was out late at the office. Browsing these sites didn’t make me unhappy with what I’m doing, it made me realize how absurd the thought of centering one’s entire existence around a man was.
See also: it’s okay to want different things from your marriage but it’s not okay to be a deceptive, sneaky, shitfuck
See also: men’s cheating is downplayed so that the nuclear family can keep being regarded as the greatest achievement of a lifetime
See also: “boys will be boys”
See also: why the actual fuck would I get married to a man if this is what I get to look forward to
See also: “something better with your life”, as if that thing doesn’t pay for other things which are meaningful and fulfilling
but way to go with your whorephobic assery
Today I was talking to my cousin about what my role is in teaching her five month old son things as he grows up. She told me I should teach him about computers, tequila, and how to treat women.
This makes me very happy.
How about giving the benefit of the doubt to the survivor?
Believe the survivor. Assume they are telling the truth unless there’s actually good evidence that they aren’t, because the vast majority of these types of accusations are not false. Assume that they are speaking out because they want safety and justice, not just because they want to “ruin” their abuser’s life or career.
Assume the survivor stayed with their abuser for as long as they did because abusers deliberately make it difficult or even impossible to leave, not because the survivor is somehow weak, stupid, or incompetent.
Assume the survivor was quite aware of the danger that they (and possibly their children) were in and doesn’t need to be patronizingly informed that staying with an abuser can be dangerous. So can trying to leave.
Assume the survivor is the best authority on their own experience."